My aunt died last night. It was not sudden or unexpected (she had cancer), and we were not close (I think it was 10-15 years since we last saw each other). She was my father's oldest sister, and the first blood relative in my parents' generation who has died. Which is, I think, the reason that this has affected me more than I expected.

I had thought about my parents aging before, and thought of the fact that my grandmother was not much older than my mom is now when she died. But somehow having my father's sister die really brings home the prospect of mortality and that, unless some unforeseen illness or accident befalls me, I will one day be the last surviving member of my immediate family. Which is a really scary thought. No one wants to be alone, and though I have a husband and one day plan to have children, I don't like to think about being without my parents and my brother.

I really don't have any deeper insights into this other than death is scary. I do see a peace in it despite being an atheist, and I know it is inevitable. But none of that stops the pain of thinking about losing the people who matter in your life. |